Scion – Petro Campaign – Downtime 4, Part 1
This account was originally found on Livejournal, I am not the original author—I am just a fan of the journal and have found reading it on livejournal clunky to navigate and rife with errors/instability (such as having to refresh multiple times due to the page in questions becoming unavailable often requiring multiple refreshes. The original post can be found here, published by DJ-Yomi, and was published on May 16th 2008.
Well, everything’s all lined up for the tour, and we’ll be leaving in a couple of days. Until then, I’m trying to relax a bit. For the past two weeks since returning from Japan, I’ve been out of contact because I’m been enjoying a short stay in Yomi. It was nice…and completely different from my last stay in the Underworld (which was in Persephone’s realm).
As I mentioned in my last entry, Oiwa arranged for me to visit my mother in Yomi. I’ve wanted to go see her again for months, and so I was glad to have to opportunity. Of course, I had to leave Echo behind since Miko wants to kill her (damn Miko), but I took Tabby and Robin with me. They need to connect more with Yomi anyway, especially Robin, who’s never been there before.
Miko herself came to escort me to see Izanami (Oiwa came a spirited Echo away before Miko arrived). She offered to take Tabby to see the Dark Mother while I was speaking to Izanami, but I don’t want my shikome out of my sight, not when Miko’s around, so I made some charming excuses about how Tabby and Robin were my handmaidens and should stick with me as I go to see my mother. Miko accepted that. I had to work hard to keep her and Tabby from coming to blows over me, though. They’re both really possessive of me and take offense to one another. *sigh* Miko seems to enjoy provoking Tabby. She also provoked me, though I don’t think she meant to. I made sure that she understood I would not be treated like her property. In fact, I commented that as someone who had twice been tasked with my protection, she should be subservient to me. She didn’t exactly back down, but neither did I, and I think we arrived at a cold understanding.
I had a long and friendly talk with Izanami. Yeah really, it was friendly. ^_^ For the first time, since my awakening, I really felt like she was my mother, not just some dark and remote presence in my life. I think maybe the things I’ve been doing must be pleasing her. I’m glad. It was nice to feel some warmth from her. She even said that in many ways I remind her of herself. I think she’s referring to the fact that she always kinda did her own thing even when the other Amatsukami didn’t always approve. I mean, Izanagi made her redo their wedding ceremony because she said her vows first instead of the other way around, which was how it was supposed to be. I hadn’t really thought about that, but she’s right. She’s never really bowed under the weight of social mores, not like most of the rest of the Amatsukami. And I really respect that. After all, even though I use social conventions to get a lot of what I do done, I don’t feel imprisoned by them. I am a counter-culture kind of girl, after all. ^_^
We talked about a lot of stuff, including my intentions from here out. I explained my thoughts on my destiny (the whole balance of opposites theme I’ve adopted), and she seemed satisfied. She actually encouraged me to find my own way, and told me that she respects me because I’m finding my own path, not blindly following what anyone else tells me, even if it’s her. She respects my decision to try and balance death with life and darkness with light, though she doesn’t necessarily agree with it. She did, though remind me of the claims that she and Izanagi had made upon their separation, when she promised to kill 1000 people each day, while he promised to create 1500. She asked me to think about how many deaths she must have caused to allow me to be born. It was a deeply moving reminder of my heritage.
We also talked a lot about Amaterasu and Persephone, the other divine influences in my life. Her opinion of both was rather scathing, and I got the feeling she was trying to encourage me to distrust or despise both of them by planting seeds of doubt. Some of the things she said about both of them were pretty shocking, but I’m not really willing to accept her words at face value. There may be a grain of truth to what she told me, but I think that much of what she said was just her own spite spilling over. One thing did become very clear to me, though. While Amaterasu and Persephone have been very forceful in trying to force their will on me, Izanami hasn’t. During our entire conversation and throughout my stay in Yomi, she never really tried to get me to do anything. She offered her opinion on many things, but always made it clear that she wanted me to follow my own path, not one she laid down for me. And even though she made some suggestions about things I could do to spite Amaterasu and the Amatsukami, she always made it clear that they were only suggestions, not demands. Aside from slandering Persephone and Amaterasu, she never really tried to get me to cease my friendships with either of them, though she did work hard to make me question them. Which is only as it should be, if you ask me. If I’ve learned anything about divine politics, it’s that you can’t take anything at face value. Unlike the others, my mother seems to understand that I know that, and encourages it.
You know, mortal slander has nothing on the slander of the gods. lol
Oh, I also discussed my worries over the shikome taint with her, but really, I think I’d already figured out how I feel about it before I even came to Yomi. I’m still unhappy with the idea that it effectively exiles me from Takamagahara, but the more I think about it, the less I care about that. I’ve been a social exile my whole life. Sure, I have the social skills to get along with just about anyone and to ingratiate myself into pretty much any group, but that doesn’t change the fact that my chosen lifestyle distances me from the bulk of society and from my pantheon. And I’m cool with that. Besides, I got the impression from my mother that the shikome taint is one of the better ways to be connected to the Underworld (I mean, compared to my mom, who had to die to get there, and Persephone, who was kidnapped and raped). And even though my shikome can be troublesome at times, losing Amy helped me realize how much affection I feel for them. So I think I’ve come to appreciate the taint, and I’m not so worried about it anymore. Hell, the only real problem I still have with it is the fact that it might give Miko some degree of control over me, but I can deal with that.
Speaking of Miko, Izanami also revealed something rather shocking about my connection to her. Miko and I are bound by fate. That’s been true since I was a child. Not only has she twice been tasked with my protection, but fate has somehow bound our lives together so strongly that if one of us dies, the other will soon follow. I can’t even begin to tell you how upsetting that is. Miko’s becoming a big problem for me, and this severely limits my options in dealing with her. I’ll have to find a non-fatal way to keep her from causing me more problems than she already has. And I’ll have to make sure that my friends and followers know that she is not to be harmed. Izanami’s personal theory is that Miko and I are ultimately destined to kill one another, but hopefully that won’t happen for a long time.
I brought this up with my followers later, and they were surprised. I was a little annoyed that Keiko kept speaking up in Miko’s defense. She says Miko’s just in love with me like practically everyone else, and she’s really not bad as shikome go. I’m not so sure. Maybe there is something to what Keiko says, but I’m not convinced.
Anyway, I will be making more shikome. I’m going to stick to my original plan for recruiting them. I’m only going to target girls who have lost all hope and are sunk in a deep, inescapable ennui or suicidal depression. Girls who need an injection of passion to revitalize their lives. Of course, I want them to be willing, so I plan to befriend them and explain what I want to do for them first. I’ll couch it in vampire-erotic terms, of course, but I don’t intend to pull punches when I mention the psychotic qualities the transformation inspires or the constant rush they’ll feel. And I won’t turn anyone who doesn’t accept it willingly.
There was one point on which my mother and I disagreed. I’m sad…depressed, really…to note that she is very disappointed in my relationship with Echo. It’s not the relationship itself that she has an issue with. She said herself that people are often guilty of “indiscretions.” But confirming that indiscretion by getting married…that she can’t stand. She really can’t fathom my same-sex relationship with Echo. She still loves and supports me, but she wanted me to know that she despises Echo and my marriage to her, even though she is still pleased to have me as her child. I don’t know what to think…but I did tell her that despite her attitude, I did not intend to sever my relationship with Echo.
In thinking about it, though, and the other issues that I’ve had with our marriage, I’m not so sure. I love Echo, but maybe getting married was too much. In some ways, it seems like it’s done more harm than good to our relationship…
After I’d spoken with Izanami for a long while, she told me I was free to leave as I pleased, but that if I liked, I could stay in Yomi for awhile. She said she’d like having me around for a bit. I was touched, and agreed. That’s why I’ve been in the Underworld for the past couple of weeks. It was nice. A refreshing reminder of who and what I am.
One other very, very important thing happened. Miko took Tabby and I to see the Dark Mother. It was an interesting experience, and I showed the Dark Mother the respect she deserves. The Dark mother confirmed that Tabby is special, and gave her some of her blood to drink. It was a painful experience for Tabby, but it awakened the true shikome within her. She doesn’t look any different, but now she’s not only a little more clear-headed, she’s also much tougher and stronger than before.
Actually, while we were in Yomi, Tabby and Robin weren’t really crazy at all. They were both really clear-headed, and I learned a lot about them. Tabby and I actually had some really deep conversations, and I understand her a lot better now. We became pretty close over the past two weeks, and even though she’s gotten a little crazier since she left Yomi, she’s still pretty much “with it,” compared to how she was before her transformation into an elite shikome.
Let’s see, among other things, I learned that Robin always had trouble feeling any emotions, and that she likes being a shikome because it actually makes her feel things. But she’s still adjusting too, which is why she seems to have a hard time dealing with the constant rush of passion she feels. I guess that’s why she follows Tabby’s lead so much.
As for Tabby, she confessed her love for me. I’ve known for a long time that she and Amy were passionately in love with me, but I always assumed, in Tabby’s case at least, that it was because of the shikome connection/control thing. But…that’s not the case. Our shikome master-servant relationship aside, she really is in love with me. She told me that someday she hoped that I would find a place in my heart for her, but that she wouldn’t push things until I was ready.
I do feel a lot of affection for Tabby. More now than I did before we got to know each other better. But I’m not ready for anything more than what we have. Besides, I don’t really want any relationships outside of Echo. Well…that’s not entirely true. I do have feelings for Ray…but this is different.
Anyway, that’s not all Tabby and I talked about. We also discussed a lot of her worries and insecurities. She’s worried about Robin’s adjustment to being shikome, and she’s worried about Miko. She misses Amy, whose death has made her think hard about a lot of things. In short, Tabby has matured a lot recently. I like the new Tabby. She’s become a good friend and even something of a confidante. And I think she’s ready to accept more responsibility since she’s more level-headed now. I’m thinking about letting her make a couple more shikome.
As you can see, it was an eventful trip, and it was really nice to bond with my mother and with Tabby. But now I’m back, and the tour begins in a couple of days. I’m so excited! ^_^