Scion – Petro Campaign – Downtime 10

This account was originally found on Livejournal, I am not the original author—I am just a fan of the journal and have found reading it on livejournal clunky to navigate and rife with errors/instability (such as having to refresh multiple times due to the page in questions becoming unavailable often requiring multiple refreshes. The original post can be found here, published by DJ-Yomi, and was published on Feb 18th 2010

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Well, it’s been about 3 months since we slew the Great Cyclops of Aten, and my tour is off to an amazing start. I’m performing in some of the biggest concert venues and clubs around this time. The tour started in my native Boston, as usual, and I’m working my way through America and Canada before departing for Europe, then Israel, Australia and New Zealand, and finally South Korea and Japan.

I think this is my best tour yet, and the critics and fans seems to agree. My latest album, Between Shadow and Darkness, is the focus of the tour, but the performance still spans my whole career and the entire spread of my style, which ranges from gothic rock and industrial to more trance and darkwave beats.

To make matters even better, I’m using my own sound system for a lot of my shows, and Adam and Charles helped me design and build it. They did a superb job! Adam really put a lot of effort into it, even though he doesn’t care that much for my music. He even stuck around and attended the tour’s first show. That meant a lot to me. ^_^ Thanks to the sound system (and a bit of sweet-tlking to the system’s kami ^_^), the sound at my shows this tour is absolutely miraculous. Part of my goal is to provide my fans with a religious experience at my shows, and I think I’ve succeeded.

Charles has accompanied the tour on most of our stops, managing the sound system on site for me. He’s such a talented sweetie! And he’s been able to spend a lot more time with Sera. Plus, he’s seen her perform a lot so far. She is, after all, a very talented guitarist (she claims it comes from playing the koto and samisen so much in her younger years). ^_^ All the girls are doing a great job with our shows. The only real issue is that Quinn is only performing at select shows. She can’t be there for the whole tour since she was only peripherally involved in Between Shadow and Darkness and has a child, a marriage, and maybe another pregnancy to deal with. Echo’s been filing in and singing her songs for her.

But don’t worry, Quinn’s still a part of my entourage. She’s just been on leave lately. ^_^. She’s spending much of her time back at Red Mountain. Since Echo’s touring and performing with us, Quinn, Miko, Oiwa, and Pierre’s family are helping take care of Rose. When Yi’s on Red Mountain, she helps out as well. I miss Rose terribly, but Echo and I fly back to Red Mountain at least once a week in the Valkyrie to see her. It’s a demanding schedule, but it’s worth it, And besides, I’m a demigoddess. I can handle these things. ^_^

So anyway, the tour’s going fine. But that’s not all I’ve been up to since our last excursion into Di Yu. In fact, before leaving China, Yi and I had to deal with the Japanese soldier ghosts that Xi Wang Mu left us. That was a challenge. Yi was very emotionally invested in the fates of those soldiers, and I really had to work hard to keep her from condemning them all to the worst kind of hell she could think of. But with patience and soothing words, I managed to help her judge them fairly. Quite a few of them were guilty of war atrocities, and they deserved the sentence she gave them. But just as many were innocent of anything other than fighting for their Emperor and country, and Yi also judged them fairly and agreed that I could take them back to Yomi, where they belong.

In the end, it was a good experience for Yi. She got to see with her own divine sight that not all the Japanese soldiers were horrible people, and that they should be viewed as individuals, not as monsters. Yi still has a long way to go before she overcomes her prejudice. But as long as she keeps taking these baby steps, she’ll get there eventually. ^_^

We parted ways after judging the ghosts to make sure the soldiers all got where they were supposed to go, and then I returned to Red Mountain. Yi and I both have been back and forth between Nanjing and Red Mountain a lot over the past few months, though, moving her belongings to Red Mountain and just spending time together. We’re both very excited about the wedding, even though it won’t be for another few months. We’re planning a big ceremony with a mixture of Chinese, Japanese, and western elements. When Echo and I were married, it was really kinda understated and casual, and I want to treat Echo to a big ceremony too. So the wedding will honor our vows to each other as a marriage circle. ^_^

But of course, I was anxious about the things Echo revealed to me, regarding the divine balance that’s tied into my fate. I didn’t know how Yi would react to the idea that Miko was her divine opposite and is ultimately just as important and dear to me as Yi is. Moreover, I was scared Yi would be furious about the idea that I’m destined for a union with Amaterasu. You know, the union that will fulfill my divine potential and make me her shadow. I mean, I’m not going to stop being who I am then…I’ll just be growing into my divine role as a goddess. But I know that Yi despises Amaterasu. And while I hope to help her overcome that irrational hatred, it’s not going to happen for awhile. In short, I was afraid Yi would change her mind about our marriage if she knew what fate had in store for me with Amaterasu.

Fortunately, Yi is a wonderful person who loves me more than I could ever have asked, and probably more than I truly deserve. ^_^ I took her out to the graveyard on Red Mountain to talk about it. And when I told her about Miko’s role in my legend, she accepted it like it was old news. She said that she honestly suspected Miko and I were secret lovers anyway, given the way we look at each other and how close we seem to be. We’re not…I won’t let myself love her as I wish I could, not physically, at least, until I’ve rid myself of the taint. Miko is the brightest and most pure thing in my life, and I won’t degrade her by tarnishing that. But Yi understands. And I was immeasurably happy to learn that Yi even likes Miko despite Miko’s ethnicity. Miko is simply so nice and sweet and caring that Yi can’t dislike her, and in time, Yi even thinks that she could grow closer to Miko. I can’t express how much that warms my heart. ^_^

Yi’s response to the Amaterasu thing wasn’t as glowing, however. When I told her, as gently as possible, that I would eventually join with Amaterasu to become Hinokagehime, the dualistic darkness to compliment the sun goddess’s radiance, she became physically ill. Her hatred of Amaterasu is so deep and so fierce that she can’t accept that such a union might occur. She wants to find another way, a way to avoid that fate, and I promised her that I’d be open to her efforts on that front. But I also made it clear that I value, respect, and admire Amaterasu, despite what Yi thinks of her.

The good news is that even if Yi thinks Amaterasu is a horrid creature and is only trying to use me for her own ends (I disagree), she does not blame me for my destiny, and thinks only of preserving me from what she thinks is a tragic fate. In time, I hope to help Yi see Amaterasu as she really is, and not as a monster. But for now, Yi says that she loves me more than life itself, and that nothing, even Amaterasu, can come between us. In other words, even knowing about my potential union with Amaterasu hasn’t changed the way she feels about me or our marriage.

I was overcome. I love Yi, deeply and truly. But I was so worried that she wouldn’t be able to accept my fate. I should have had more faith in her and in our love. To honor her devotion to me, I decided then and there to show her something that up until then had been shared by only Echo and me. I took her hands and led her to the edge of graveyard, and then took advantage of my newfound psychopomp powers to draw her into the earth with me, down into the subterranean sanctum Echo and I share. We didn’t light any lights. We simply enjoyed the utter darkness, our love, and each other in that dark and silent bower.

Needless to say, I’m ecstatic. To be in love like this with both Echo and Yi is a gift, and I can’t help but wonder if it would even be possible if I weren’t blessed with the blood of divinity.

Sadly, I can’t love everyone. Not as I do Yi and Echo. That’s something that Keiko had to come to terms with shortly after I arrived back in Red Mountain. Following Quinn’s worried advice, I found a time to talk to Keiko about her feelings for me, both the deep and abiding love she feels despite her love for Oda, and the darker guilt that she seems to hold onto over her actions in Lanka and her attraction to my wife. It was not an easy conversation, and I won’t dishonor Keiko by sharing all of the details here. But as we talked, I was able to get Keiko to forgive herself, at least somewhat. And I learned just how deep and true her love for me really is. To be honest, what she must feel for me is not unlike what Echo and I feel for each other:  she wants nothing less than to be a part of me.

I wish I knew how to deal with that. Keiko isn’t the only person who has fallen uncontrollably in love with me. I wonder if that isn’t part of what drove Ray away in the end. I know that must sound arrogant, but it’s not meant to. I’ve been forced to acknowledge the powerful effect I have on others lately, and I guess it’s simply a part of being the sort of demigoddess I’ve become. And it’s not something I can control, though I need to become more cognizant of it so that I don’t hurt as many people. Sadly, I cannot return everyone’s affections. I may have the capacity to love Echo and Yi and Miko completely, but I don’t – I CAN’T – love EVERYONE who loves me.

And I had to help Keiko understand that. She does now. It wasn’t easy for her to accept. But the catharsis was good for her, and she’s healing now. Her marriage to Oda is improving again, as is her relationship with me. She’s still dealing with issues, like her lingering attraction to Quinn. (Is it me? Am I a bad influence on my girls?) And she’s still seeking a different kind of catharsis in ways she probably shouldn’t, in my opinion. But I can’t dictate how she heals. Keiko’s smart and wise enough to figure things out on her own, and I’ll be there to help her along whenever she needs and wants my help. ^_^

Of course, we all know how my life, or rather, that of those around me, tends to go. There’s always drama in the air. But fortunately, aside from Keiko’s issues (which are getting better! ^_^), most of it isn’t really drama, it’s romance! ^___^ Quinn has been overwhelmingly excited about her upcoming wedding to Pierre and Elisa. Yep, that trio is beating me to the marriage circle thing. ^_^ I’m quite happy for them. It took Quinn some doing to get everything worked out, but I think she, Pierre, and Elisa will be happy. I know she’s trying to get pregnant again, but I’m not sure with whom. She’s already had Pierre’s child, and she did ask me for the potion I got from Persephone that would allow her to conceive from Elisa (Echo, Yi, and I don’t need it since Syn gave us the Navel-Piercing of Conception), so my guess is she’s trying to have Elisa’s child. I never would have pegged Quinn as such a rabid mother, but you never know! O_O ^_^

Mercy’s back from Japan too, and Chiaki’s been for a couple of extended visits. They’re officially a couple now, though their relationship is still largely physical. I’m still encouraging them on the emotional angle. Chiaki’s requested that Mercy remain faithful to only her as long as they’re together, so Mercy’s trying to do just that. Fortunately, she’s never been heavily involved with any of the other shikome aside from Sophie (who’s a little upset about Mercy’s relationship with Chiaki), but she IS a shikome, which means her lusts are a bit difficult to control. Still, she’s been doing well, and Sera’s been chaperoning her and Chiaki when Chiaki’s around.

Oiwa has been spending more and more time manifested on Red Mountain, which makes me really happy. I like having Oiwa around, and she likes helping take care of her “half-sister” Rose, so I try to make sure she and Rose spend a lot of time together. Of course, Oiwa would hate it if anyone outside the family saw her as such a softy around the kids, but I don’t think she has anything to worry about. She can still be just as terrifying and nasty as ever…but she’s a part of my family, and when she’s with us she’s more like my daughter than the onryo of legends.

And, speaking of my dear little Rosa-Petra, she just turned one year old about a month ago, just before I started the tour! I can’t believe we just celebrated her first birthday! We threw a big party and invited everyone. Actually, it was a joint party for both Rose and Alandra, who turned one just a few days after Rose. Of course, the kids are too young to really know what was going on, but all of us grown-ups had a blast, and Echo was radiant! Quinn, Kimiyo, and Ophelia worked overtime on the decorations. And even my father was there. For maybe the first time in my life, I can honestly say I was glad he came.  

I guess that deserves a little explanation…but I’ll get back to that later.

First, though, I should also report that I went to visit Suchette in New Orleans again. Her craving for scion blood remains strong, but her devotion to me because I provide it for her is equally strong. I’m not going to abuse that, of course, but I confess that I’m glad to help her stay on the straight-and-narrow. Suchette thinks that she’s not the only vampire who has discovered the potency of divine ichor, but unlike her, others aren’t so humane with their methods of acquiring it. This could be a problem.

Anyway, Suchette wanted me with her when she turned her protege, Jenny (the DJ girl who reminds both me and Suchette a lot of…well, ME….which is a little creepy), into a vampire, in case it didn’t work. After all, as far as Suchette knew, no Adze vampire had ever turned anyone who wasn’t of African descent, and if it didn’t work, she wanted me to make sure all was well with Jenny’s soul and maybe even summon her ghost so that Suchette could apologize and say goodbye. Fortunately, though, the transformation was a success, and now Jenny is the first and only Caucasian Adze vampire. Pretty hot! ^_^

Now, back to my father…

You might recall that, when we were in Cheng Du, Echo called to tell me my father had dropped by Red Mountain to see Rose, but he was disturbed by how much Echo reminded him of mom, so he left. I went to see him to figure out what that was all about. The things is, my father and I have never gotten along well. It was tough growing up with a single dad, and even though he tried to be a good parent, I always got the feeling he blamed me for my mother’s death. And he never really talked about mom anyway, so I didn’t even know much about her except that she was the love of his life. As I got older, I became more rebellious, and all the resentment we must have felt for each other caused a schism between us that never really healed.

So going to see my father was going to be a bit of chore for me.

And yet, he’s been following my career and watching me from afar. Despite everything, he really does love me. And I guess I love him too. He IS my father, after all. In any event, he started to open up to me in ways he’s never done before when I asked him about Echo’s resemblance to mom.

It turns out it wasn’t Echo herself who reminded him of mom (he knew her as “Izzy”), but rather the divine nature of her beauty. He spoke of mom as the most vivacious, warm, loving, radiant woman he’d ever known. The picture he painted wasn’t even close to the Izanami I know, not even the more melancholy and easygoing Izanami I met at Miki’s hospital in Chicago. I could hardly believe that the woman he was describing was really my mother, but apparently she was. They’d even been married.

Then he told me about my birth, something he’d never really talked about before except to say that my mother had died in labor. Apparently, her body disappeared from the morgue. And a few days later, he received a call from Izzy. But the Izzy that called him wasn’t the same woman he had loved. She was bitter and cold and hateful, and she told him that their relationship was over and they could never, ever see each other again.

It broke his heart. And his story almost broke mine.

The Izzy my father knew was Izanami like she was before she died. I don’t know how she managed to recover a flicker of life’s spark or how she was able to overcome the pall of death even for the short time she knew my father. But it became clear to me that she had somehow recaptured some of her past glory, and passed it on to me when I was born. That’s why I am who I am, and why I’m so different from her other scions. I literally embody Izanami as she was before the birth of Kagatsuchi.

But if that’s true, then I’m guilty of killing mother just like Kagatsuchi was! My birth stole the life from her again. The thought was more than I could bear, and as I explained to my father who “Izzy” really was and, by extension, who I am, I completely broke down. I mean, I have vowed to destroy Kagatsuchi and return my mother’s divine spark to her, returning life to her dead flesh, yet my birth stole that life from her! And all these years, my father’s been right to blame me for mom’s death. I really did steal the Izanami he knew away from him.

But no, blaming myself isn’t the right way to look at this. When my father told me the whole story of my birth, I was devastated, but after returning home and talking to Oiwa, I have a new perspective on my birth. I think mother intended to pass what life she’d managed to reclaim into me. I can only assume that she wanted to give birth to someone who could be what she once was and who could, perhaps, become her savior. Could that be why she cares so much about me? Why she is so forgiving and gentle with me even while she treats other children, like Miyako, with bitter severity and casual disregard?

If I really am her last hope for salvation and life, then I cannot let her down. I will return the fire of life to her, even if it kills me to do so. And this must be why Kagatsuchi hates me so much. I’m everything he isn’t despite the similarity of our births.

My father knows now who Izzy really was, and he knows what I’ve become: a demigoddess well on my way to godhood. He knows that Echo is the Echo of myth, and that Rose is our daughter through the miracle of divine magic. He knows that as much as he wants it, he cannot see Izanami now. She’d kill him, like she tried to kill Izanagi. But some day, when I’ve returned her divine fire, I hope my father and mother can be reunited, even if only for a short time.

I just have to figure out how to defeat Kagatsuchi without extinguishing mother’s divine flame.